Top 5 Best (Worst) Duran Duran lyrics

Bad lyrics come in many forms. The most common form in pop music is the treacly, saccharin, forced kind. Like when Air Supply sings “Even the days are brighter/when someone you love’s beside ya” in “Even the Nights Are Better”. The second most common lyric faux pas is stringing random so-called poetic images to create a so-called mood. My favorite example of this is Sheryl Crow’s “A Change Will Do You Good”. Sheryl think she’s off-the-cuff and clever when really she sounds like the biggest poseur with lyrics like:

Canine, feline, Jekyll and Hyde
Wear your fake fur on the inside

Or

Mercedes Ruehl and a rented Lear
Bottom feeder insincere

What's a rented Lear? That is some stupid shit. Maybe she learned from Duran Duran that stringing nonsense together makes you money. The following are my 5 favorite ridiculous Duran lyric gems.

5) from "New Moon On Monday"

Shake up the picture, the lizard mixture
With your dance on the eventide

I had to look up eventide. It means evening. The quiet "New Moon" was a welcome departure from bombastic hits like "Union of the Snake", but it was still as dumb as a box of hammers.

4) from "Wild Boys"

You got sirens for a welcome and there’s bloodstain for your pain
And your telephone’s been ringing while you're dancing in the rain

There are few sounds more painful than Simon Lebon straining to hit the "wild boys never lose it" notes in the chorus. The last attempt at the end is particularly cringe inducing. They really should have changed it to a lower key. But why even bother singing this crap? What 'wild boy' gets a bloodstain from dancing in the rain while his telephone's been ringing? What are they talking about?

3) from "Skin Trade"

Doctors of the revolution gave us the medicine we required
Besides being absolutely painless, it’s a question of compromise

Just because it's so nonsensical. You can't infer any sort of meaning from it.

2) from "Too Much Information"

Destroyed by MTV, I hate to bite the hand that feeds me

“Too Much Information” by The Police makes me want to pogo. “Too Much Information” by Duran Duran makes me want to vomit. Are they really claiming that they were ruined by Music Television? Without it, they would be Kajagoogoo. Again, makes no sense.

and a tie for 1).

from "New Religion"

Bring my timing in, seagulls gather on the wind
Lady screaming, lady leave me out
‘Cause sometimes people stare
Coming down, electric chair

It's like a smattering of random refrigerator magnets.

from "Notorious"

You own the money, you control the witness
I hear you’re lonely, don’t monkey with my business

"Don't monkey with my business" causes a bloodstain every time I hear it. The lazy twisting of the phrase to try to sound ironic and clever - ugh. ugh. Too bad, because the Nile Rodgers production is really funky.

huh?

Right now when you type in "songs that make you feel stoned" into Google, this little blog comes up first.

random '90s trivia questions

What '90s rap song - some may say it's one of the best from the decade - begins with a scratch guitar sample from Jimi Hendrix's "Are You Experienced?"

Hint: The first lyric is in the song is "Now in my younger days I used to sport a shaaaaaag".

10-9-8 by Face to Face

I love when you hear a song you haven't heard since it came out and it makes you feel exactly as you felt back then. It doesn't always work when it's, say, "Don't You Want Me" by Human League, something I've heard a million times over the years. But it works with this song, probably more than any other song for me. I was in 9th grade, acting in community theater, and I had multiple friends to sit with in the cafeteria for the first time. I was something approaching happy.

There were a lot of pay phones in '80s videos.

my book party

My book Things That Make You Go Hmmm: The '90s Music Party Game is on sale next week. I'm having a small release party to celebrate.

Monday, November 20th
Dove Bar, 228 Thompson St. between Bleecker and West 3rd
7 - 9:30 (or later)

The Dove is a cozy litle spot in the West Village. My friend Addam bartends there. Prizes will be awarded to '90s trivia buffs! '90s mix CDs will be given to all. And I will look cute.